A tic

I’ve developed over

the months and weeks I’ve been here

Twirling my hair, so my hands have something to do.

When a blossom of jumping jack nerves opens in the pit of my stomach

 

Panic is red hot

Seeps and leaks and slithers

I’m breathing fast now, ah ha ha ha

I’m fine, we will be fine, this        is fine.

 

White knuckles meet

Wide eyes and burst blood vessels

When push comes to shove I’d rather be safe.

I’ll take the easy way out, you know that, I just don’t want to-

 

The door slams

Final, the sound of goodbye forever.

You left, is it because of my tic?  That’s a stupid reason.

 

And now you’re gone,

You say to help me, but

This unease is still here, and I still

Don’t fall asleep with or without your arms.

 

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